• Pandemiployment

Permission Slip: Laundry Edition

I give ___________________ permission to do laundry every ________________ days as she goddamned pleases.

She may choose to purchase a divided laundry hamper, sorting clothing by color and fabric weight. She may read all the tags, deciphering laundry symbols with panache. She may choose the correct settings for heat, time of cycle, spin speed, extra rinse, and whatever else her machine gives her as options. She may have a glass carafe for her detergent. She may fold things immediately. She may put the sweaters on shelves so they don't stretch on the hanger. She may put her jeans in the freezer. She may utilize the dryer, or she may line dry, as the care instructions demand. She may use those little wool balls in her dryer rather than dryer sheets.

She may choose to shove everything in the drum that will fit in one load, baby bibs up to towels. She may mix fitted sheets with socks, damn the consequences. She may wash everything on the cold cycle so the colors don't bleed from new purchases. She may forget the laundry is in the wash until five hours later, sniff at it, and decide it's not too stinky to continue its journey into the dryer. She may fold clothes several days later, when she realizes the wet clothes she just washed can't go into the dryer because the last load still inhabits the drum. She may not feel like folding clothes in this situation, and scoop everything into the fitted sheet and make a DIY beanbag of clean laundry and throw it on her bedroom floor.

All ye who may judge her for her laundry choices are hereby invited to shut your piehole, or henceforth take over all laundry duties in her home. Your choice.


Addendum: She may choose to do no laundry at all, because assuming that the female in the home is in charge of laundry is completely bogus. In which case, whoever handles the laundry is welcome to this permission slip and may wave it in anyone's face at will. You have been permitted. Let them be silent.

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